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Where your piece of work meets your life. See more than from Arise here.

Four years ago, I moved to New York to start pursuing my journalism degree at a graduate programme in the city. I spent my kickoff week researching and reporting an audio story about the local farmer'due south market. When I handed it in, my professor looked downwardly at the script I had written, looked back upwards at me, and said, "Your English is good. Where are y'all from?"

While that was supposed to be a compliment, it didn't feel like a pat on the back. Whether information technology was based on how I looked, sounded, or data the professor had gathered well-nigh me beforehand, their tone implied that, because I was an international educatee, my ability to write English well (or not) was tied to my geographical and cultural background. I was dislocated and hurt.

This is a question we all ask — and go asked — very oftentimes. It comes up during the 10-minute chats we take with our Uber drivers, in job interviews, and even during that awkward small talk at office parties. It may be a question that's asked out of curiosity (and I do believe that is usually the case), but it has the potential to trigger something very personal: Our sense of belonging. And, that, for a lot of usa, can look like alienation.

Here is the trouble: For those of us who already feel "dissimilar" in a given infinite, being asked where we're from carries implicit assumptions about our race, caste, ethnicity, nationality, etc. Often, information technology translates into: You don't seem to (already) belong here. Information technology validates existing beliefs about social identities and can exist quite patronizing. For instance, following-upwards the question with, "Oh, of course" or "Yes, you practice expect like you're from [country]" can forcefulness people into dandy categories of race, gender, or nationality, without acknowledging the nuances of that person's identity.

None of the states have atypical identities and virtually of u.s.a. belong in many places. People tin belong in different geographies, cultures, and identities at the aforementioned fourth dimension. Well-nigh of united states of america don't identify with markers we were built-in with. So, to me, the question, "Where are yous from?" is very reductive.

But that's how I experience about information technology — and lately, I've been thinking, "How practice others perceive this question, especially if it'due south asked in a professional person setting?"

And then, I reached out to four of my colleagues at Harvard Business organization Publishing across the globe — who also led an internal Variety, Inclusion, and Belonging panel recently —and asked them how they experience when someone asks them, "Where are you from?"

Hither'south what I learned from my discussions with them.

1) There's a fine line between curiosity and microaggression.

For Stefano McGhee, a colleague based in the U.South., his last proper noun has e'er garnered a lot of attention. "My first proper name is Italian, the final proper noun is Irish, and my paternal family is Black, based in Alabama. So, when I introduce myself to someone, the follow-upwardly question ordinarily is most where I'm from," he says. However, he doesn't mind it. In fact, it wasn't until he was 25 that he learned almost the origins of his concluding name.

"During the time of slavery in the [American] Due south, slaves often took the last name of the slave possessor," he explains. "Somewhere in my history, my ancestors were held past an owner named McGhee."

McGhee finds the question fascinating and wonders if there are others similar him, with similar stories about their roots. However, he adds that he is ever mindful of the context of the question while he's answering it. "I'm usually okay if a friend asks me that, but information technology doesn't make sense in formal, work situations."

Why? Because questions well-nigh someone'due south identity tin be a microaggression — peculiarly at work. A microaggression is a behavior or activity — whether accidentally or purposefully — that subtly undermines someone's identity past playing into the stereotypes or historic biases about social groups. While the question may non be born out of malicious intent, information technology can take a serious event or touch on on the people information technology is directed towards. In the context of racism, anti-immigration, and anti-minority sentiments, this "curiosity" about someone'southward perceived race, ethnicity, and nationality can exist quite damaging.

2) It reduces people to a representative of a larger group.

Trisha Rai, a former colleague who lives in India, explains that asking this question can often stereotype people. "When someone tells you, they are from [country], and your response is, 'Oh I love [that country'south] food/music/movies/characters,' it reduces their complex identities to your limited understanding of a social/identity grouping they belong to."

That's harmful considering it turnsan individual into a representative for a specific culture or identity — and that tin be really exhausting for the individual on the receiving cease. This often looks like: "Do you have whatever ideas on how we can celebrate [insert festival] at piece of work?" or "What'due south going on with this [news affecting that grouping]?" This can put pressure on the individual to be responsible to educate others about a specific culture or identity, which turns out to exist a lot of piece of work (work that the person asking should really be doing).

3) It's the intent backside the question that matters.

Maria Ortega, a colleague from Mexico City, says that asking well-nigh people'southward backgrounds can be an opportunity to build an honest, trusting relationship. Merely it all depends on how you ask the question — and what yous say side by side.

"The tone, the facial expressions, and the follow-upwardly questions — all of that tells me what this person really wants to know," she says. "For instance, you wouldn't just ask a colleague if they take kids," she says. "Simply, in a conversation, if they mention or talk about their kids, so you lot can build a conversation from there."

Ortega uses a exam to estimate the intentions of the people who put her in a tight spot. "I e'er look for the next question someone asks after they hear where I'm from," she says. That tells her whether the questioner is really interested in getting to know her or whether they're looking to confirm their ain judgments or unconscious bias. If it's the latter, it'south a microaggression.

four) Information technology'due south a reflection of the existing (unequal) power structures.

It'due south besides about who is asked — and who gets to enquire these questions. "Information technology is likely that many of us might be okay with request our juniors or colleagues most their groundwork, simply how many of us have really asked a senior executive a like question?" asks Rai. To her, it also reflects power relations between individuals.

Questions virtually our concluding names, looks, accents, and culture may reinforce and magnify differences between a marginalized community and the majority demographic — which can trigger feelings of alienation.

It made me realize (and I'm aback to admit) that the only people I have ever asked this question to have been people of color. Oft, I have been perplexed (even if I don't express it) when another South Asian friend has identified as British or American.

So, here'due south a question Rai nudges united states of america to enquire ourselves, "Why am I even asking this question? What do I hope to gain from this specific question, every bit opposed to say, asking someone about their favorite holiday destination or music band?"

What can nosotros do amend?

From my conversations, I learned that there are no like shooting fish in a barrel answers to this question. It can mean dissimilar things in different contexts. For me, I'd be okay telling someone my background history if I met them on a solo trip halfway across the world, only non always in a professional context — especially if the question feels like it's coming from a place of ignorance or mal-intent (consciously or not).

The tricky thing about microaggressions is that they are mostly unconscious biases — which ways it'southward then much more of import to be mindful of where, when, and how you inquire questions about someone'southward identity.

How can you start? Get-go, know that you lot volition brand mistakes. "It is often in these uncomfortable moments, that nosotros are able to engage with why these questions are problematic and learn from them," Ortega says.

"For example, the apply of words like 'partner' instead of wife or husband and pronouns like 'they' instead of the binary 'he' and 'she' weren't common to use at piece of work until a few years ago. It was but because people were called out and made aware of their unconscious biases that we were able to change and utilise more inclusive language," she explains.

Consider this article your callout. Here's what you can do to change:

Rethink your own privilege.

Become more enlightened of your place in the globe and the impact your status has on those around you. My Canadian colleague, Mary Shaw, said something that really stayed with me: "I realize that I'one thousand someone with privilege. Of my pare. Of my nationality. Of my general place in the globe. And that awareness is useless if it doesn't translate into more accountability."

According to Shaw, that means operating from a identify of kindness. And kindness means dissimilar things to different people. "For me, that translates into making personal connections with people — from the simplicity of grin and proverb howdy when out on walks (a common politeness in our small town) to never asking "Where are you from?"

Pro tip: More privilege means more accountability.

Heed more securely.

Ortega shared how change only happens when we start to listen more than nosotros speak. "The simply style to eliminate unconscious biases is to mind more deliberately when someone speaks," she says. "Heed to what details they give you and have a chat. Don't endeavour to box someone's identity based on what y'all believe to be markers of said identities."

Earlier you ask personal questions, be willing to go to know someone amend. "The best we can practise for ourselves and for historical injustices goes far across request where someone is really from. Ameliorate questions surround who they want to be, what their aspirations are, what specific needs you can help them with," Rai explains.

Pro tip: Instead of inquiring about someone'south groundwork, ask, "What is it that you'd like me to know almost you?"

Don't insist. Apologize if they seem hurt or uncomfortable.

If you ask something that you immediately regret, address it. Say, "I'm sad if I crossed a line in that location. We don't have to talk well-nigh information technology if you don't feel comfy." If someone doesn't respond positively to you lot, sympathise that they may not be willing to address the question, and let it go.

Pro tip: Avoid saying, "Oh, don't be so sensitive," or, "I was just joking." Be sincere in how you apologize and motion on from the conversation.

In my example, I didn't face or seek clarification from my professor. Simply, if I could go dorsum in fourth dimension, I'd say, "Thank you, but is there a reason that you asked me where I'm from?" It'southward a strategy I've learned from a friend — to ask "Why?" until someone sees through their own (unconscious) biases.

These conversations can experience bad-mannered to accost, especially in multicultural and global workplaces. And that'due south okay. All it takes is a little scrap of self-awareness and a lot of accountability, so diversity actually makes people feel included.

What are some of the other uncomfortable or awkward situations you face at piece of work that are hard to navigate? Y'all can let u.s.a. know here and we'll get an expert to address your concerns.